Raising her as a visually disabled mother and an artist make for some fun . I'm more open to artist type choices in what she wears and tries, not opposed to earrings or things like that. But i draw a line at her looking older then her age,.. which by the way is 6.I help her with her body image and let her know shes beautiful inside and out everyday.
When my daughter was born unlike most parents i didn't buy all the typical clothes. I found fun unique pretty bohemian flowing tops and dresses, fun colors bows etc. she didn't even have typical stuffed animals, she has soft plushy Kitty's and what not id find in stores on the north side, different types of animals, fell asleep to blues jazz and symphony music.When she was awake she listened to Yes ,Sheryl crow, comporary music, id sing to her , shed dance and i tried to be as eclectic as possible. I am by no means a typical person. Ive been told that most people after getting to know me say that I'm complex and not at all the way I'm perceived.I wanted Madie to be just as artistically and eclectically complex giving her choices.
When she was 2 we started doing "starfall" computer games, and i for several years cut her slow growing hair into a cute pixie cut. not at all normal but adorable on her. You see i try to incorporate my daughter own personality , and i want her to be comfortable with who she is. When she was about 3 we walked into a store that had pink hair spray. She asked me if we could make her hair pink that the lazy town girl, i said yes. I get scrutinized for this but seriously my daughter being creative with her temp hair color isn't that bad. sending your 6 year old to school in a bra or a half top is bad, this hurts no one and lets my daughter express her individuality Young, makes her confident and she feels great about it.
A few years later when listening to some rockabilly music videos on YouTube she saw the pomp style bang hair do, shed seen me do it and she wanted to try it, even wanted to do her bangs pink, i said yes! how creative and adorable! I of course did up her hair for her and shes beamed from ear to ear. for the most part she wears skirts, tights ,knee high hello kitty socks, hello kitty clothes and the occasional sparkly skull t-shirt.I still get a giggle that some moms look at my letting her do that as wrong but i see incorporate clothes ,skin showing and hear my daughter tell me about all her friends wearing bras already,.. shes in first grade *shakes head* i cant wrap my brain around that at all.
So me and Madie had a talk about the bra thing and she said she didn't like it so that was avoided. She had learned to hate the built in shelf bra in her tank tops from target so this was an easy win for mom. As we kept talking we talked about her clothes, her knee high socks and her one pair of skinny jeans. Now these are appreciate they aren't to tight and her stockings are in no way sexy, lol they are totally kids socks bought by her grandma and as far a i ever go clothing wise. She tells me the boys tease her for being too skinny,....what??? she says (mind my daughter is very tiny for her age short and tiny, she looks 5 and shes turning 7 soon) that she like the stockings because they cover her legs when she wears a skirt because the boys tease her for being too skinny,...
Its kinda sad that when not in school my daughter has this amazing beaming confidence, is artistic, already painting space and constellations, but in school is the shrinking violet. She leaves my side every morning glowing and excited, and comes home defeated and with a story everyday of crying. Not for what t she wears or her hair,.. no,.. because shes to quiet or too skinny, or the new one they make her cry then tease her for crying too much. Shes stopped trying in school, we usually do her homework then i do about 2 hours more of working with her because she doesn't remember a thing she learned in class, but can tell me everything the kids did or said to her. Today she had a boy run over her hand and another hit her with a umbrella, she said cause its funny,.. and they wonder why after so much my daughter finally fights back,she can only take so much.
What kills me is shes being teased not for individuality, but for being normal, for being how God made her!!!
Its a shame no one there see the amazing unique artistic girl she is. All i can do is keep supporting her, loving her and teaching her shes better then all that.Raising a girl shouldn't be this hard but I'm in it for the long haul , i love my little girl.
First and foremost you are a WONDERFUL mom !!!! I've seen it first hand !! I think times like this are so hard on both mom and kid. It really doesn't get much easier either when they get to Jr High and High school. I'm assuming you've done all the usual things like talking to the teacher and Madie. Ah if she only knew that one day being skinny would be a good thing. I love what you've let her do and be. Have you thought anymore about letting her get into dance ?? I know Larissa has always found acceptance there. Maybe Larissa could talk to her about school when she comes over to model for you ?? She's really good with kids and sometimes talking to someone younger (and who's not mom) can help. As mom's we always want to fix everything but sometimes they accept advice from someone outside the family easier. Call me anytime !!
ReplyDeleteThat's too bad about the precociousness of kids these days. That was happening when we were young, too, but not to that extent. I'm sorry Madison has to deal with rude kids. I went through a rough patch in 6th grade- long story. I had a thick skin and got over most of it fairly easily once that period had passed, but that may or may not be true of any given kid. If it's possible to homeschool, then do that. That would be good for her confidence. I don't know whether or not you have enough money for a private school. You may be able to find scholarships. (Private schools can have their own problems, too, though.) Look into those options thoroughly before you give up. If neither is possible at all, then teach her how to have a thick skin. Even if you don't succeed in helping her in that, she knows you're there for her.
ReplyDeleteJennifer
Being a mom is the most challenging job. The best homelife is great but school is different. Kids can be the cruelest people. immature boys say and do stupid things but teasing girls like madison whom they dont know, and the teacher not doing anything is a crock! Further is the mothers that let their daughters start wearing bras and dressing like hoochie-mamas in 1st grade is a bigger crock. I was teased as a kid in elementary school so i know all too well.
ReplyDelete'nuff said for now
steve
Umm, not sure if it would help but maybe you should consider karate class for her. She would learn self confidence in defending herself and the discipline might help her stay on task. She is flexible and probably would love the kicks. Now, I do not promote violence but defending herself is needed. Whatever you do, provide praise to her as much as possible. It boosts confidence and self-esteem. Also I took a seminar on how to stop bullying... well, other than better discipline in the classroom, the child being picked on needs to be able to have one trusted person she can talk to when she feels being picked on. Feeling isolated at school is the worst-feelings of no one liking her. She needs to be able to go to her trusted person when she needs a friend. This also boosts confidence. This trusted friend can be an older mentor, counselor, or even a teacher. You are right on target with the hoochie mama shirts for girls. Image is too stressed for children these days. There is nothing wrong with being different, but able to have high self-esteem with that is best.
ReplyDeleteYour friendly social worker,
Veronica
thank you all for the advice and support!
ReplyDelete*cheryl-you are such a great support and friend and i do think talking with larissa would help. madie was in girl scouts for a bit but honestly when we would home home she wuould have mixed feelings, not sure how it helped, maybe dance would be better, or self defense.
*jennifer-ty and i totally agree ive thought about home schooling but i know shed miss that interaction but the same time she wouldnt be distracted by all that and would be able to concentrate on her school work more.Im trying to help her with that thick skin at times she seems to have it but when im not there its lost.
*stephan- yes the other parents our doing crazy things with there kids but as long as mine doesnt im good! I keep telling her sometimes boys are mean because they like girls, shes not buying it yet!
*veronica- ah your advice is right on, she cant turn to the teacher as a trusted adult because although she loves her teacher her teahcer has also talked down about her to me in her presance.I think madie feels the only place she can turn is at home and by the time shes home the problem is already gone. They were supppossed to be doing this peer program with the younger grades with this in mind but i dont think its working.At home we have a behavioral award system for chores,and good behavior, maybe the teachers need a better system!