"id give you medicine if your tummy aches,..build you a fire if the furnace breaks,.."

Some friends have asked me over the past few years how i have become so positive, how Ive started painting more and  how  Ive become so happy. I was always and independent person. with lack of vision instead of relying on people i become more afraid to and More stand off-ish. I relied more on myself for fear of being told i was taking advantage of people.

and it always happened someone would say" you always ask people to drive you around you take advantage of people!" I wouldn't try to either, id go about taking cabs and trains, some one would offer to help, then scrutinize me for taking he help! It was a vicious circle and i hated it, so i become as self reliant as i could.

But you see the problem with that is at some point you lose the ability to ask for help. Much worse the ability to take help with out feeling horribly guilty.I may be on steady terms with my vision as afar as accepting but i know others aren't, so with everyone who tried to still help me, it was met with fear, a million thank yous and a " please I'm OK now you don't need to do that again"

I also become more afraid of dating, more afraid of meeting new people. What happens with meeting is telling everyone all over again about my vision instead of getting to know each other. Sometimes it came with pity, and i hated that.

3 years ago i began talking with a man i had talked with only a few times but knew through mutual friends. That phone call 3 years ago this week  become the beginning of me learning to look at the world in a different way. It took one man to make me realize how close minded i was and how stubborn i was! He was so very sweet and for the first time i felt comfortable talking to someone, telling him why i painted, admitting my vision loss ,and why i was a single mom. That acceptance and that kindness and understanding has only grown through the years, triumphed through very low times and still beats strong even today.

I am stronger, more open, and happier because i realized i didn't have to do things on my own, i could have a partner in crime , a friend to guide me through, someone to keep me laughing through just about anything.

Today i dedicate my blog to my future husband and my best friend, to Shane who taught me more about my self, love and the world then anyone has. Thank you for being my biggest fan, support my art and encouraging me to live my dreams, i am blessed to know i get to" grow old with you " :)