"why god?" part 2,.. Angels will always be there for you

I cant drive, how will i be independant??

The next step was getting a vision iteneret and a mobility teacher. I was wasn't sure how that would go but they assured me it would help me to "adjust". Well at this point i had somehow lived with this disability and loss for now 15yrs, what exactly was i adjusting too? To be quite honest it became more of how to teach others to adjust to me.

High school didn't go very well for me in this way,  not all school books got enlarged, i had teachers call me out and ridicule me in class, I watched all my friends start to drive and i was taking the bus.My school counselor even found someway to mess up my college applications, they went in late ,..too late, i had missed a class i ended up taking in summer school, and i had to leave the swim team.Swimming was my absolute favorite part of high school besides theatre. But the truth was, i had been having problems seeing the end of the pool, the depth, and i dint want anyone to know. Id count it out but that paired up with me growing a chlorine allergy was bad. My eyes still do not mix well with pools they've grown so sensitive that they swell and itch, non chlorine pools are best but not the same.It had gotten worse from freshman year and i couldn't fake it or hide it anymore.Not even goggles did it, in fact the feel of the goggles around my eye were so bad and was so sensitive i couldn't keep them on either. I left, they all thought i had made it up, i cried for weeks because my vision and poor eyes robbed me of another thing i loved and would never completely enjoy again.

Through all this I had joined the bible study my junior year. They were really nice and i ended up helping run the meetings. It was the way for me to ask the questions i had with my peers and not feel so alone.

I had never felt so touched as i did the first time i went to visit my great grandmother after i found out.

My mother and aunts were getting together for a sister reunion and i asked one of my friends to drive me to go visit her. She lives across the state in Iowa but i really wanted to see her and my aunt Betty. After he dropped me off we all sat and talked, we talked for awhile. It was then that my connection to her became even stronger. See when i was very little she lived very far away, we would send each other or trade when we saw each other stuffed animals. My great gramma lived in Arizona at the time and would send back Polaroids of our friends sitting on her bed.It was how i felt close to her even states away.She looked at me and pointed to her bookshelf. She had me get up and grab one of the many book about angels she had. We sat for hours talking about them, and how she believed we all had them, and that no mater what vision i lost my angels would always be there to protect and guide me. From this moment on i started collecting angles. The day i lost my most special angle i put a stuffed ty angel bear with her so she always had a piece of me no matter how far away she was.


The next few days with her that weekend were great as always. we played solitaire(she was the best solitaire player to ever exist) and watched lots of "touched by an angel". I laughed as her and my great aunt talked about how cute the Wendy's guy and the dunkin doughnuts guy were.I think my great grandmother was an incredibly strong woman, i didn't seem to see that she was very torn up about my eye disease diagnosis. The afternoon before leaving I will never forget.

My mother and my aunts came by the house, i was so excited i love all my aunts they are the perfect definition of strong smart and beautiful and that's no joke. That whole side of the family, those are woman who make history you know the type i mean.We had a great time we all joked and laughed and hung out and i was just so happy to get to see them. I never got to live close to my extended family, the seldom reunion was about it so this was a rare treat.After lunch my great gramma called everyone into her room. She asked me to sit down on her bed. I looked up at ^ of the stronger woman i would ever know and they look serious but were smiling. My great grandmother then proceeded to have everyone hold hands and pray for me.They formed a prayer circle and asked god to cure my vision, to heal my eyes.I tried very hard not to cry with my head bowed. I felt sad that my family was so upset, but touched in that moment.

I guess that for me God had a different plan that none of us realized. Maybe i still don't.

We parted from the circle and my great gramma held me very tight. All of us holding it together best we could giving each other big hugs.Before i left she called me back in. She had given me a bible but told me that this one was special. She gave me what was her personal bible, there were so many little messages in the sides i could barely read. She has the most wonderful and gorgeous handwriting. She told me that this bible would help with any question i had like it helped her.She then told me she had one more thing for me, she went into a box and gave me a small silver object with a jade type object on the front. She said she knew i would take good care of it, it was her make up compact from her junior prom, it was this etched silver-ish color with a green black and white decor on the front. She explained when she was a junior like me she wore it on her pink at her first real dance.I felt honored I hugged and thanked her and promised id take good care of it.

The compact sits in side my jewelry box waiting for my wedding this year, and her bible sits alongside.  I'm going to ask that it be used in the ceremony so my angel knows how much i still love her.

There are many things you learn when you start your path, were your faith is, how strong those you look up to really are, and whether or not you really want to know the answer to  "why god why me,..why am i meant to lose my vision is this my purpose?"

In loving memory of my angel, Rachel Lucille Sperry the woman i am named after and will never be forgotten.