facing myself in a new way

amidst the move and work on my new gallery series i was contacted by a student/artist in England doing his thesis . He wanted to take on a sculpture project showcasing blind artists and photographers. while stumbling upon me and my art he messaged me and asked how id feel to allow him to use my face and image of for his art project. After talking back and forth a bit and getting more information as well as insight into his project i was really touched by the fact this sighted artist and student would want to help get the message of visually impaired visual artists out to the world in his own unique way. 


After really thinking ( I'm not the biggest fan of pictures of my self, id rather hid behind the canvas :) ) i submitted to him my black and white head shot with a description of why i took this photo.

i had taken this picture because i wanted it to represent how i create my art. the pose is me as i do quite often starring at photography. Either that Ive taken  or even photos of my sketchbook online, or watching dance videos. I try watching things and find the most beautiful thing in it that i feel i can portray through my blindish-ness. I wanted a photo of me with out make-up, not even hair done. This is just as i am wen i create my art. It is a photo of me plain and as honest as the work i try to put on the canvas.

he loved the photo and created a 3d sculpture of it. here is his sculpture,

i thought it was so amazing to see the contour and depth i cant normally and what an interesting concept. 


after a few days he wrote back he wanted more information on  how i see my face or how i think i look. well, umm , this isn't the easiest thing for me to answer. in fact I'm not sure anyone has ever asked me that very question. i tried to answer ti a few times, but got very emotional each time. i understand that i don't see my self or face the way others do, and I'm quite hard on myself as well. after a few days  i responded,..

AS I SIT AND LOOK AT MY FACE I SEE MYSELF LIKE NO OTHER PERSON CAN. IN
THE CENTER OF MY VISION I LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD AND I SEE THE DANCE AND
PLAY OF FLASHING TWINKLING LIGHTS. THE AREAS AROUND IT BLUR AND I SEE
THE PALE SKIN AROUND AND MY BRIGHT RED HAIR FRAMING IT. AS I GET
CLOSER I SEE MY LARGE ROUND EYES BUT CANT TELL MUCH WHAT COLOR MY EYES
ARE. I AM TOLD THEY ARE BROWN WITH GREEN, I THINK THAT SOUNDS VERY
PRETTY. THE REST OF MY FACE BLENDS TOGETHER SO MUCH I SEE LITTLE
CONTOUR. MY LACK OF DEPTH PERCEPTION MAKES IT HARD TO SEE SO I SEE
WITH MY FINGERTIPS. WITH MY FINGERS I KNOW MY CHEEKS ARE HIGH  AND MY
NOSE PROMINENT, I FEEL HOW DEEP SET MY EYES ARE AND HOW TALL MY
FOREHEAD.ON MY NOSE I FEEL THE STUD FROM MY LITTLE DIAMOND. IN THE
LIGHT OF SOME ROOMS I LOSE MY OWN FACE, SHADOWS CONSUME AND LIGHT
WARPS IT. ONLY THROUGH LARGE PHOTOS AND WHAT I HEAR CAN I LOOK TO SEE
WHAT IS PAST MY BLURS AND TWINKLES. BUT EVEN IF I CANT SEE DETAILS OF
TONES, I KNOW THAT I STILL SEE A MOTHER, AND ARTIST, A WIFE AND A
FRIEND.

its strange  for as many times as I've answered people on how i see the world, it took one person to make me think about how i see myself, and my face. i finally understand more why so many artists have done self portraits, maybe it was so THEY could get more insight into how they looked to the world. 

Its amazing how art teaches us so much.